Can't do it, electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris
Can't do it, static from nylon underwear
Can't do it, static from plastic slide rules
Can't do it, global warming
Can't do it, poor power conditioning
Can't do it, static buildup
Can't do it, doppler effect
Can't do it, hardware stress fractures
Can't do it, magnetic interference from money/credit cards
Can't do it, dry joints on cable plug
Can't do it, we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line
Can't do it, sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support
Can't do it, temporary routing anomaly
Can't do it, somebody was calculating pi on the server
Can't do it, fat electrons in the lines
Can't do it, excess surge protection
Can't do it, floating point processor overflow
Can't do it, divide-by-zero error
Can't do it, POSIX compliance problem
Can't do it, monitor resolution too high
Can't do it, improperly oriented keyboard
Can't do it, network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)
Can't do it, Decreasing electron flux
Can't do it, first Saturday after first full moon in Winter
Can't do it, radiosity depletion
Can't do it, CPU radiator broken
Can't do it, It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem
Can't do it, positron router malfunction
Can't do it, cellular telephone interference
Can't do it, techtonic stress
Can't do it, piezo-electric interference
Can't do it, (l)user error
Can't do it, working as designed
Can't do it, dynamic software linking table corrupted
Can't do it, heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly
Can't do it, secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS
Can't do it, terrorist activities
Can't do it, not enough memory, go get system upgrade
Can't do it, interrupt configuration error
Can't do it, spaghetti cable cause packet failure
Can't do it, boss forgot system password
Can't do it, bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged
Can't do it, virus attack, luser responsible
Can't do it, waste water tank overflowed onto computer
Can't do it, Complete Transient Lockout
Can't do it, bad ether in the cables
Can't do it, Bogon emissions
Can't do it, Change in Earth's rotational speed
Can't do it, Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter
Can't do it, Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads
Can't do it, Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming
Can't do it, Evil dogs hypnotised the night shift
Can't do it, Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture
Can't do it, Electricians made popcorn in the power supply
Can't do it, Groundskeepers stole the root password
Can't do it, high pressure system failure
Can't do it, failed trials, system needs redesigned
Can't do it, system has been recalled
Can't do it, not approved by the FCC
Can't do it, need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem
Can't do it, not properly grounded, please bury computer
Can't do it, CPU needs recalibration
Can't do it, system needs to be rebooted
Can't do it, bit bucket overflow
Can't do it, descramble code needed from software company
Can't do it, only available on a need to know basis
Can't do it, knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked
Can't do it, nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable
Can't do it, The file system is full of it
Can't do it, Satan did it
Can't do it, Daemons did it
Can't do it, You're out of memory
Can't do it, There isn't any problem
Can't do it, Unoptimized hard drive
Can't do it, Typo in the code
Can't do it, Yes, yes, its called a design limitation
Can't do it, Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
Can't do it, That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?
Can't do it, Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.
Can't do it, Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.
Can't do it, Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.
Can't do it, Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable
Can't do it, Windows 95 undocumented "feature"
Can't do it, Runt packets
Can't do it, Password is too complex to decrypt
Can't do it, Boss' kid fucked up the machine
Can't do it, Electromagnetic energy loss
Can't do it, Budget cuts
Can't do it, Mouse chewed through power cable
Can't do it, Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!)
Can't do it, Feature not yet implemented
Can't do it, Internet outage
Can't do it, Pentium FDIV bug
Can't do it, Vendor no longer supports the product
Can't do it, Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
Can't do it, The vendor put the bug there.
Can't do it, SIMM crosstalk.
Can't do it, IRQ dropout
Can't do it, Collapsed Backbone
Can't do it, Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
Can't do it, operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
Can't do it, backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
Can't do it, UPS interrupted the server's power
Can't do it, The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.
Can't do it, The keyboard isn't plugged in
Can't do it, The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
Can't do it, The electricity substation in the car park blew up.
Can't do it, The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
Can't do it, The salesman drove over the CPU board.
Can't do it, The monitor is plugged into the serial port
Can't do it, Root nameservers are out of sync
Can't do it, electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.
Can't do it, your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.
Can't do it, the real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.
Can't do it, the printer thinks its a router.
Can't do it, the router thinks its a printer.
Can't do it, evil hackers from Serbia.
Can't do it, we just switched to FDDI.
Can't do it, halon system went off and killed the operators.
Can't do it, because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.
Can't do it, user to computer ratio too high.
Can't do it, user to computer ration too low.
Can't do it, we just switched to Sprint.
Can't do it, it has Intel Inside
Can't do it, Sticky bits on disk.
Can't do it, Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor
Can't do it, The ring needs another token
Can't do it, new management
Can't do it, telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
Can't do it, SCSI Chain overterminated
Can't do it, It's not plugged in.
Can't do it, because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch
Can't do it, You put the disk in upside down.
Can't do it, Daemons loose in system.
Can't do it, User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.
Can't do it, BNC (brain not connected)
Can't do it, UBNC (user brain not connected)
Can't do it, LBNC (luser brain not connected)
Can't do it, disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.
Can't do it, new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.
Can't do it, had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.
Can't do it, Too few computrons available.
Can't do it, Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes Can't do it, hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tannenbaum)
Can't do it, Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.
Can't do it, Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.
Can't do it, Insert coin for new game
Can't do it, Dew on the telephone lines.
Can't do it, Arcserve crashed the server again.
Can't do it, Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.
Can't do it, My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.
Can't do it, Big to little endian conversion error
Can't do it, You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)
Can't do it, Dumb terminal
Can't do it, Zombie processes haunting the computer
Can't do it, Incorrect time synchronization
Can't do it, Defunct processes
Can't do it, Stubborn processes
Can't do it, non-redundant fan failure
Can't do it, monitor VLF leakage
Can't do it, bugs in the RAID
Can't do it, no "any" key on keyboard
Can't do it, root rot
Can't do it, Backbone Scoliosis
Can't do it, /pub/lunch
Can't do it, excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances
Can't do it, le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?
Can't do it, broadcast packets on wrong frequency
Can't do it, popper unable to process jumbo kernel
Can't do it, NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full
Can't do it, pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal
Can't do it, Recursive traversal of loopback mount points
Can't do it, Backbone adjustment
Can't do it, OS swapped to disk
Can't do it, vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives
Can't do it, sticktion
Can't do it, short leg on process table
Can't do it, multicasts on broken packets
Can't do it, ether leak
Can't do it, Atilla the Hub
Can't do it, endothermal recalibration
Can't do it, filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch
Can't do it, loop found in loop in redundant loopback
Can't do it, system consumed all the paper for paging
Can't do it, permission denied
Can't do it, Reformatting Page. Wait...
Can't do it, ..disk or the processor is on fire.
Can't do it, SCSI's too wide.
Can't do it, Proprietary Information.
Can't do it, Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.
Can't do it, runaway cat on system.
Can't do it, Did you pay the new Support Fee?
Can't do it, We only support a 1200 bps connection.
Can't do it, We only support a 28000 bps connection.
Can't do it, Can't do it, Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.
Can't do it, I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.
Can't do it, Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.
Can't do it, the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.
Can't do it, The monitor needs another box of pixels.
Can't do it, RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
Can't do it, kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
Can't do it, Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.
Can't do it, Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."
Can't do it, Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors
Can't do it, Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-trafficker
Can't do it, We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortunately, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please Can't do it, bear with us.
Can't do it, Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.
Can't do it, Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
Can't do it, We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
Can't do it, Lightning strikes.
Can't do it, Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.
Can't do it, Change your language to Finnish.
Can't do it, Fluorescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
Can't do it, High nuclear activity in your area.
Can't do it, What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, Can't do it, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
Can't do it, The MGs ran out of gas.
Can't do it, The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.
Can't do it, Recursivity. Call back if it happens again.
Can't do it, Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.
Can't do it, The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.
Can't do it, I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.
Can't do it, The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).
Can't do it, Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
Can't do it, It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.
Can't do it, A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.
Can't do it, Fatal error right in front of screen
Can't do it, That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.
Can't do it, wrong polarity of neutron flow
Can't do it, Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal
Can't do it, We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.
Can't do it, Ionization from the air-conditioning
Can't do it, TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.
Can't do it, Someone is broadcasting pygmy packets and the router doesn't know how to deal with them.
Can't do it, The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.
Can't do it, Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces
Can't do it, Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube
Can't do it, You did wha... oh _dear_....
Can't do it, CPU needs bearings repacked
Can't do it, Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!
Can't do it, _Rosin_ core solder? But...
Can't do it, Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
Can't do it, The computer fleetly, mouse and all.
Can't do it, Your cat tried to eat the mouse.
Can't do it, The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.
Can't do it, It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterday) (last week) (last month)
Can't do it, Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none Can't do it, allowed....)
Can't do it, Too much radiation coming from the soil.
Can't do it, Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
Can't do it, Program load too heavy for processor to lift.
Can't do it, Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
Can't do it, Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
Can't do it, We've run out of licenses
Can't do it, Interference from lunar radiation
Can't do it, Standing room only on the bus.
Can't do it, You need to install an RTFM interface.
Can't do it, That would be because the software doesn't work.
Can't do it, That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
Can't do it, Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.
Can't do it, We're upgrading /dev/null
Can't do it, The Usenet news is out of date
Can't do it, Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
Can't do it, It's stuck in the Web.
Can't do it, Your modem doesn't speak English.
Can't do it, The mouse escaped.
Can't do it, All of the packets are empty.
Can't do it, The UPS is on strike.
Can't do it, Neutrino overload on the nameserver
Can't do it, Melting hard drives
Can't do it, Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
Can't do it, The kernel license has expired
Can't do it, Netscape has crashed
Can't do it, The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.
Can't do it, It was OK before you touched it.
Can't do it, Bit rot
Can't do it, U.S. Postal Service
Can't do it, Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad.
Can't do it, The Dilithium Crystals need to be rotated.
Can't do it, The static electricity routing is acting up...
Can't do it, Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone. It's not our problem.
Can't do it, The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.
Can't do it, High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid Can't do it, damaging it.
Can't do it, Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening
Can't do it, Electrons on a bender
Can't do it, Telecommunications is upgrading.
Can't do it, Telecommunications is downgrading.
Can't do it, Telecommunications is downshifting.
Can't do it, Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...
Can't do it, Interference between the keyboard and the chair.
Can't do it, The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.
Can't do it, Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.
Can't do it, vWe ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.
Can't do it, You must've hit the wrong any key.
Can't do it, PCMCIA slave driver
Can't do it, The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.
Can't do it, The hardware bus needs a new token.
Can't do it, Too many interrupts
Can't do it, Not enough interrupts
Can't do it, The data on your hard drive is out of balance.
Can't do it, Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters
Can't do it, appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem
Can't do it, microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file systemvfractal radiation jamming the backbone
Can't do it, routing problems on the neural net
Can't do it, IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply
Can't do it, CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road
Can't do it, emissions from GSM-phones
Can't do it, CD-ROM server needs recalibration
Can't do it, firewall needs cooling
Can't do it, asynchronous inode failure
Can't do it, transient bus protocol violation
Can't do it, incompatible bit-registration operators
Can't do it, your process is not ISO 9000 compliant
Can't do it, You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.
Can't do it, The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing
Can't do it, Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)
Can't do it, Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on.
Can't do it, Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.
Can't do it, Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.
Can't do it, You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.
Can't do it, Scheduled global CPU outage
Can't do it, Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn off your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Can't do it, Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
Can't do it, Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!!
Can't do it, Your packets were eaten by the terminator
Can't do it, Your processor does not develop enough heat.
Can't do it, We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room.
Can't do it, The POP server is out of Coke
Can't do it, Fiber optics caused gas main leak
Can't do it, Server depressed, needs Prozac
Can't do it, quantum decoherence
Can't do it, those damn raccoons!
Can't do it, suboptimal routing experience
Can't do it, A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged
Can't do it, 50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files
Can't do it, the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference
Can't do it, the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice
Can't do it, the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
Can't do it, old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
Can't do it, manager in the cable duct
Can't do it, We'll fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).
Can't do it, HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
Can't do it, HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
Can't do it, The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?
Can't do it, Network failure - call NBC
Can't do it, Having to manually track the satellite.
Can't do it, Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.
Can't do it, The rubber band broke
Can't do it, We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.
Can't do it, Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.
Can't do it, paradigm shift...without a clutch
Can't do it, PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
Can't do it, The cables are not the same length.
Can't do it, Second-system effect.
Can't do it, Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c
Can't do it, Boredom in the Kernel.
Can't do it, the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!
Can't do it, I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.
Can't do it, struck by the Good Times virus
Can't do it, YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error
Can't do it, Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.
Can't do it, Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided Can't do it, fools.
Can't do it, Plasma conduit breach
Can't do it, Out of cards on drive D:
Can't do it, Sand fleas eating the Internet cables
Can't do it, parallel processors running perpendicular today
Can't do it, ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect
Can't do it, Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.
Can't do it, Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.
Can't do it, Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins.
Can't do it, Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.
Can't do it, Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.
Can't do it, Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.
Can't do it, Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
Can't do it, It's the InterNIC's fault.
Can't do it, Root name servers corrupted.
Can't do it, Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.
Can't do it, Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.
Can't do it, Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.
Can't do it, We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.
Can't do it, Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.
Can't do it, Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.
Can't do it, Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.
Can't do it, Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.
Can't do it, it's an ID-10-T error
Can't do it, Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
Can't do it, The Internet is being scanned for viruses.
Can't do it, Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.
Can't do it, Bad user karma.
Can't do it, /dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
Can't do it, Increased sunspot activity.
Can't do it, We already sent around a notice about that.
Can't do it, It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
Can't do it, Interference from the Van Allen Belt.
Can't do it, Jupiter is aligned with Mars.
Can't do it, Redundant ACLs.
Can't do it, Mail server hit by UniSpammer.
Can't do it, T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.
Can't do it, Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.
Can't do it, We are a 100% Microsoft Shop.
Can't do it, We are Microsoft. What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.
Can't do it, Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.
Can't do it, Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.
Can't do it, Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.
Can't do it, Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.
Can't do it, Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.
Can't do it, Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.
Can't do it, Route flapping at the NAP.
Can't do it, Computers under water due to SYN flooding.
Can't do it, The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.
Can't do it, Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.
Can't do it, Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.
Can't do it, Radial Telemetry Infiltration
Can't do it, Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.
Can't do it, tachyon emissions overloading the system
Can't do it, Maintenance window broken
Can't do it, We're out of slots on the server
Can't do it, Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.
Can't do it, Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.
Can't do it, Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
Can't do it, Feature was not beta tested
Can't do it, Domain controller not responding
Can't do it, Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
Can't do it, It's not RFC-822 compliant.
Can't do it, operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)
Can't do it, stop bit received
Can't do it, internet is needed to catch the etherbunny
Can't do it, network down, IP packets delivered via UPS
Can't do it, Firmware update in the coffee machine
Can't do it, Temporal anomaly
Can't do it, Mouse has out-of-cheese-error
Can't do it, Borg implants are failing
Can't do it, Borg nanites have infested the server
Can't do it, error: one bad user found in front of screen
Can't do it, Please state the nature of the technical emergency
Can't do it, Internet shut down due to maintenance
Can't do it, Daemon escaped from pentagram
Can't do it, crop circles in the corn shell
Can't do it, sticky bit has come loose
Can't do it, Hot Java has gone cold
Can't do it, Cache miss - please take better aim next time
Can't do it, Hash table has woodworm
Can't do it, Trojan horse ran out of hay
Can't do it, Zombie processes detected, machine is haunted.
Can't do it, overflow error in /dev/null
Can't do it, Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.
Can't do it, Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.
Can't do it, According to Microsoft, it's by design
Can't do it, vi needs to be upgraded to vii
Can't do it, greenpeace free'd the mallocs
Can't do it, Terrorists crashed an airplane into the server room, have to remove /bin/laden. (rm -rf /bin/laden)
Can't do it, astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling
Can't do it, Somebody ran the operating system through a spelling checker.
Can't do it, Rhythmic variations in the voltage reaching the power supply.
Can't do it, Keyboard Actuator Failure. Order and Replace.
Can't do it, Packet held up at customs.
Can't do it, Propagation delay.
Can't do it, High line impedance.
Can't do it, Someone set us up the bomb.
Can't do it, Power surges on the Underground.
Can't do it, I'm saying stuff based upon the The Bastard Operator From Hell Stories written by Simon Paul Travaglia. Datamation magazine owns the Electronic Can't do it, Rights to the orgional works of the BOFH.
